Personal Creed Part 3
When I was 18 and first moved out to college at Utah State University, I was called as the ward activities leader. I planned a dance as one of our big activities. I still remember tracking down an opaque machine to blow up pictures of Disney characters and tracing/painting them to decorate the gym in the church. It was an all-nighter. I had thrown a big party for my parents 25th wedding anniversary the year before and sewed them a quilt with a family picture printed on it. (This was before all the new technology with desktop printers) and I realized that I was pretty good at throwing parties. Over the years, I have had many callings involving activities. Young Women’s, Girls camp director, Relief Society Homemaking and Enrichment (several times), Activity Days, even teaching Sunday school to the 16-18 year olds was like planning a party each week to keep them entertained and on topic. Then I had kids and had to plan birthday parties and sleepovers and movie nights. This is something I enjoy and have even thought about starting an event planning business.
I asked several of my siblings, kids and friends what they think about me. Most just said, “A good mother.” I think it is a nice compliment but over the years I have struggled with defining who Dawnelle is, not who _________’s mom is.
Here is what my sweet sisters said: Jill and Eryn together said “We think that you put everyone’s happiness above your own. Some people would say that’s a positive trait but it doesn’t seem like it’s ever about what makes you happy.” (They also said they hate this class and would absolutely never ask this question of other people.) Consequently, so did my friend, when I sent her the letter from the book.
My other sister said: We are similar in some ways. I think the biggest quality you have is to let other people be okay with who they are while being okay with who you are. That’s a hard thing for most people. I see that you are able to do that because you add humor to life and you don’t take yourself too seriously. These are important skills and you have always been an example to me. You have a natural ability to put other’s need before your own. Our strength so often become our weaknesses if we are not careful. I think you recognize this ability you have and it continues to be a strength and will always be a strength because you keep perspective… You are just you, you have the ability to be lighthearted and fun yet wise and introspective.”
My friend said I am “generous, and creative, willing to help others - all great attributes.” At which I jokingly called her a chicken.
With those comments in mind I think being able to let other be who they are is from one experience I had while in my early 30’s. I was working with the Young women in my ward on an activity coming up and I was complaining loudly about a woman who was supposed to be helping me, but wasn’t. A girl stood up to me with tears in her eyes and said, “That is my mother and she is struggling with _______ (depression I think, I don’t even know now) and she is doing the best she can!” and left the activity. I was mortified. It was a slap in the face to me, they had different last names and I didn’t know she was her daughter, but I learned that I need to keep my mouth shut and that I had judged too harshly.
Several years later, I leaned a secret… My kids are NOT perfect! My third child was 14 and diagnosed with Major Depression. Our family was turned upside down when we had to admit her to the Psychiatric ward for becoming suicidal. I decided I wasn’t going to hide it, and asked all our relatives and ward family, and friends to write her encouraging letters and made a book for her for when she would start to feel low again. Many people thought it was a private thing and my daughter was embarrassed at first, bit I told her she needed all the support and love she could get as this was likely going to be a lifelong trial for her. Those letters were a great support for me as well as for her and we even learned that a few of the kids in the ward were having suicidal thoughts too. I would never judge another person again after going through all that.
I also learned that I am not perfect. I stopped being so hard on myself and needing to be a “Molly Mormon mom”. I think this just comes as life happens and as we mature we stop needing approval from others as much. I run off feelings, my husband is a facts person and he thinks logistics. We usually compliment each other in that he can think things through and if it feel right to me, we go with it. Other times, we have a hard time seeing eye to eye when usually we are saying the exact same thing, only in different ways.
I think that I am not a deep person, I tend to be selfish and want to get my way, and I can be pretty stubborn about it. I get offended, but usually try to ignore it and go on with life. I am not confrontational! I will do anything to avoid a confrontation. I am a people pleaser, and I hate knowing that I did something that hurt someone else.
According to the book, Inner Victory by David A. Christensen, I would fit in the Influencing or Interactive behavior style. I am verbal, emotional and expressive. I am optimistic and sometimes spontaneous. I am often disorganized especially when I get too busy planning an activity or overloaded with homework and have a hard time keeping everything straight. I do like having people’s approval, but it doesn’t influence my choices or who I am. Hopefully that brings out the best in others as well.
I asked several of my siblings, kids and friends what they think about me. Most just said, “A good mother.” I think it is a nice compliment but over the years I have struggled with defining who Dawnelle is, not who _________’s mom is.
Here is what my sweet sisters said: Jill and Eryn together said “We think that you put everyone’s happiness above your own. Some people would say that’s a positive trait but it doesn’t seem like it’s ever about what makes you happy.” (They also said they hate this class and would absolutely never ask this question of other people.) Consequently, so did my friend, when I sent her the letter from the book.
My other sister said: We are similar in some ways. I think the biggest quality you have is to let other people be okay with who they are while being okay with who you are. That’s a hard thing for most people. I see that you are able to do that because you add humor to life and you don’t take yourself too seriously. These are important skills and you have always been an example to me. You have a natural ability to put other’s need before your own. Our strength so often become our weaknesses if we are not careful. I think you recognize this ability you have and it continues to be a strength and will always be a strength because you keep perspective… You are just you, you have the ability to be lighthearted and fun yet wise and introspective.”
My friend said I am “generous, and creative, willing to help others - all great attributes.” At which I jokingly called her a chicken.
With those comments in mind I think being able to let other be who they are is from one experience I had while in my early 30’s. I was working with the Young women in my ward on an activity coming up and I was complaining loudly about a woman who was supposed to be helping me, but wasn’t. A girl stood up to me with tears in her eyes and said, “That is my mother and she is struggling with _______ (depression I think, I don’t even know now) and she is doing the best she can!” and left the activity. I was mortified. It was a slap in the face to me, they had different last names and I didn’t know she was her daughter, but I learned that I need to keep my mouth shut and that I had judged too harshly.
Several years later, I leaned a secret… My kids are NOT perfect! My third child was 14 and diagnosed with Major Depression. Our family was turned upside down when we had to admit her to the Psychiatric ward for becoming suicidal. I decided I wasn’t going to hide it, and asked all our relatives and ward family, and friends to write her encouraging letters and made a book for her for when she would start to feel low again. Many people thought it was a private thing and my daughter was embarrassed at first, bit I told her she needed all the support and love she could get as this was likely going to be a lifelong trial for her. Those letters were a great support for me as well as for her and we even learned that a few of the kids in the ward were having suicidal thoughts too. I would never judge another person again after going through all that.
I also learned that I am not perfect. I stopped being so hard on myself and needing to be a “Molly Mormon mom”. I think this just comes as life happens and as we mature we stop needing approval from others as much. I run off feelings, my husband is a facts person and he thinks logistics. We usually compliment each other in that he can think things through and if it feel right to me, we go with it. Other times, we have a hard time seeing eye to eye when usually we are saying the exact same thing, only in different ways.
I think that I am not a deep person, I tend to be selfish and want to get my way, and I can be pretty stubborn about it. I get offended, but usually try to ignore it and go on with life. I am not confrontational! I will do anything to avoid a confrontation. I am a people pleaser, and I hate knowing that I did something that hurt someone else.
According to the book, Inner Victory by David A. Christensen, I would fit in the Influencing or Interactive behavior style. I am verbal, emotional and expressive. I am optimistic and sometimes spontaneous. I am often disorganized especially when I get too busy planning an activity or overloaded with homework and have a hard time keeping everything straight. I do like having people’s approval, but it doesn’t influence my choices or who I am. Hopefully that brings out the best in others as well.
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